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赏析一中学生的英语写作
 
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一篇有关“什么是真爱?”的英语作文
-- 一位17岁中学生在当前年龄段的个人看法
 
 
True Love图片        下面是John Chang同学完成的以What do you think true love is?为题的英语写作。
 
        *先说说优点,毕竟重点就在于善于挖掘他人的优点,使其为自己的成长增装添瓦:
        1. 长句的使用比较好:其中的各种时态,如:现在完成时,过去时和现在完成进行时等都不是单独使用在短句中,而是结合了伴随状语、主语从句、表语从句、定语从句和宾语从句等。即:每句话的词数平均在20-30左右,给人较强的流畅感,好似唱歌时气息运用到位,发声畅快悦耳,颤音规则。
    [内容标签]:赏析一篇英语写作“真爱还是金钱?”_免费英语学习资料_成都英语口语培训工作室--成都本土外教网
 
        2. 词汇量使用变化有致:例如,作者表达“引起,激发”的时候使用了trigger, sparkle,而不是例行的cause;还有,表述“大量的”没有使用a lot of, much,而是massive。
 
        3. 每一句的含义都比较丰富:作者把自己从现实生活和网络获悉的各种人情世故混合在一起,较强烈地表达了个人的见解--很多人并不是在找true love,而是把对物质生活的追求寄托在了true love上,赋予了它另外的含义。
 
        4. 在青少年中有积极向上的指导作用:在新思想的指引下,有些人不再放弃一味地追求wealth,而是实实在在属于自己的生活和一颗真实相知相爱的心。
 
        *再说说不足的地方:
        1. 某些长句给人故意延长的感觉,不够自然。但整体还是完整,用词搭配都是通顺的。
 
        2. 受制于年纪,也就是人生经历,作者的看法或许年长者读起来顿觉疏浅。该现象正常。
 
        3. 一些小地方,如:空格,大小写等不够规范。作文批改时海归老师Forest已经帮助该同学修正了。
 
        下面是修改小地方的不足后呈现给大家的“成品”:
 
True Love? Money!
 
Numerous young couples have registered their marriage at the Ministry of Domestic Affairs on the Valentine’s Day in 2014, setting a new record in China, which subsequently triggers an unprecedented massive discussion on whether their love basis plays a critical role in their marriages.
 
A related issue that was addressed previously is pointed to be a clue for this matter. In a similar occasion, a question was raised: WHAT criteria should boys meet to get a lover? Countless answers emerged, which mostly indicated material seemed to be a vital prerequisite. However, this idea was later rejected by the elders(a powerful group) and so quickly disappeared in public, showing the senior generation who were much more conservative found it nonsense and unacceptable, and soon a new concept revealing true love still exists in the society occupied the mass media. After this big fighting, a catastrophic factor was left behind, the materialism, which constantly but unaware germinated in public, leading to the chaotic situation at present.
 
While mainstream society was still in coverage of ubiquitous propaganda aiming at encouraging people to seek true love regardless of anything, the female seemed to be immune to this penetration and took a more prominent, but a more selfish action towards wealthy boys, instead of their ancestral partners who were not competent in offering an opulent lifestyle. Consequently, unsuitable scenarios in marriages manifested significantly, for instance, triangle relationship was widely observed by others, imposing a negative influences on the innocent minds of the kids.
 
Therefore, in most cases, boys fell victim to materialism and ended up divorcing or being never married when girls still went on foraging for richer persons. It is not to say being realistic is immoral, but a more crucial part it plays, more brutal and hypocritical consequences it will cause. Moreover, those people who are really meant for each other have to separate as a result of a dearth of materials, making those “losers” more anxious and violent to a large extent, which contributes to social instability.
 
Yet this issue is still deteriorating , the elders(usually more influential and powerful in the society) and true love propagators right now should intervene and pose a notion that leads the sunshine to a positive destination, rather than stay in couches watching romantics produced in the 1980s. In truth, the demand for true love is growing sharply, which means we can take advantage of this trend.
 
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学习建议:1.语言学习一定要采用正确的方法并持之以恒。
2.基础较薄弱的学习者,请先选择海归中教并花一定的时间打下必要的基础。
3.词汇量包含学习者知道的单词个数和熟悉程度;后者更重要但往往被忽视。


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